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19 April 2012 @ 03:48 am
Possibly the stupidest question I've ever asked...  
...and that's saying a lot!

Can one of the many, many people on my flist who's a better writer than I am help me edit a story to remove all the mentions of drinks/drinking, without it seeming as though I stripped the story down? It's not that the drinking itself is a problem, but I noticed during my editing rewatch that a car I'd hoped/thought could be a stretch limo is, in fact, a sedan. Thus, no bar.

As always, any help anyone can give me would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Abyssinia,
Barrie

P.S. I wasn't going to mention the fandom, because it's irrelevant to the job at hand, but then I realized that the fic could have spoilers. So, for the record, the fandom is "Ringer" and the fic takes place during/after this past week's season finale.
 
 
Current Mood: creative
Current Music: None; I just turned the ep I was watching off
 
 
 
ioaniteioanite on April 19th, 2012 09:39 am (UTC)
What do you mean, exactly, by "remove all the mentions of drinks/drinking, without it seeming as though I stripped the story down?" Are you trying to get rid of just the drinking scenes in the car, or is there something else? Sorry, I wasn't quite sure what you were getting at.

Also, don't worry about asking stupid questions; I don't think this is stupid, you're trying to be accurate.

Edited at 2012-04-19 09:40 am (UTC)
MASHFanficChick: Obsessionmashfanficchick on April 19th, 2012 11:36 am (UTC)
It's not so much scenes as it is visuals and phrasing. The entire story, or what there is of it so far, is actually just one long scene: what's going through someone's head during a long car trip. Within that one scene, however, there are multiple mentions of the character drinking, clutching/looking into his glass, being affected by the alcohol (though that one's an easy fix, I think), etc. And since most of those mentions are used to break up the story or give the reader a visual (since it's mostly an internal monologue), it's not as though I can just remove them: I need to replace them with something else, or do some writing way more creative than I'm capable of, or some combination, or else the fic (I feel) will come across as somewhat of a giant wall of text. (Not literally; I mean, there are paragraphs. But the story won't be broken up into coherent thoughts. Y'know, the way my LJ posts and comments are! *g*)
ioaniteioanite on April 19th, 2012 11:19 pm (UTC)
Hmm. Well, not having watched the show (I know, I know...) I can't be sure if this will help, but...does the character in question have a habit of fidgeting? Because you could replace the drinking with twisting his hands, running his hands through his hair, smoothing his clothes, and the like. It would still get the point across, I think, based on what you're describing.

Or does he have some sort of briefcase with him? Then he could be fiddling with the latch or looking at papers without really reading them.

Just some ideas, of course, but they're the first things that occurred to me.
karaokegal: Big Drinkkaraokegal on April 19th, 2012 08:45 pm (UTC)
If you're still looking for help with this, I'd be happy to help.
You can send me a word doc at kitty64ster@gmail.com
MASHFanficChick: Pout (Hutch)mashfanficchick on April 25th, 2012 03:22 pm (UTC)
Thanks for offering. But (as you'll see from my latest post) I don't really think anyone can help. The poor fic is doomed to live in my folder of didn't-works for eternity.
karaokegal: harry johnnykaraokegal on May 3rd, 2012 05:44 am (UTC)
Don't give up hope. I finally finished and posted a fic that I've been struggling with for over two years.
MASHFanficChick: Obsessionmashfanficchick on May 6th, 2012 11:15 am (UTC)
Thanks, babe. That actually helps a lot. Y'know...I discovered earlier (because I heard something wrong, thought it didn't make sense/was WRONG in an NYC-sense, and so went back to listen again) that Andrew actually lies about his whereabout to Agent Machado at the end of the episode in question. So maybe if I decide to send him somewhere on a plane...*decides to take her notebook with her on her day-trip today, just in case*