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19 May 2012 @ 11:16 am
If I'm happy, you're...yeah  

Not that anything happened now--reading ace!Sherlock fic made me think of it--but isn't it nice to know that my mother thinks my sexuality is "even creepier" and less understandable than "normal" asexuality? Ok, the less understandable, I sort of...well, understand. Sort of. But the "creepier"? That's so totally offensive on two completely separate levels. Not to mention that it kind of hurts that she now, at least in her own mind, accepts all known sexualities except mine...though that doesn't stop her from insisting that it's "sad" that asexuals--and I--will never have what she considers a "normal" relationship.

Yeah. Sorry. I just needed to get that out there. Because it somehow hurts more to know that she is trying...and yet, what she's coming up with is that I'm weird and she pities me.

Abyssinia,
Barrie

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smudley: KAMgaypridesmudley on May 20th, 2012 05:56 am (UTC)
{{HUGS}} I'm so so sorry you're having to go through this. I understand. I empathize. No matter how much we pride ourselves on independent thinking and living our own lives, most of us yearn for parental approval, the acceptance of at least one of our parents. Without that, we feel something is missing. I've learned one thing, and it's a hard, hard lesson. If your parents can't accept who you are, that doesn't have to break you. What will break you, I've learned, is if you can't accept yourself. I tell myself nearly every day that I believe in who I am and accept who I am and try to ignore the pain of knowing that my parents don't accept me. This advice is well-intentioned, but I know it's not one-size fits all. I understand how much it hurts, what you're going through with your mom. I'm here for you. Anytime you need to talk, don't hesitate to reach out. You know where to find me. :) Hang in there.
MASHFanficChick: Autosexualitymashfanficchick on May 20th, 2012 10:20 am (UTC)
*hugs you back*</p>

I think (as usual) that you're absolutely right about the "yearning for parental approval" thing. And, I'll even go one step farther and say that the one silver lining to my mom's open opinions on my sexuality is that it's given my father a much-needed (though of course he didn't/doesn't realize it) chance to be the good guy for once. Seriously: it helps both me and the relationship I have with my dad more than I can say to know that he--the parent of mine who mostly thinks of me as a lazy, pathetic failure--responded to my coming out as a/autosexual with a mixture of indifference (the good kind!), curiosity, and support, and that he continues to be supportive of my wants, needs, and choices in that area, not only wanting only for me to be happy, but fully believing that I can be happy and fulfilled as an a/autosexual person. And that fact--that my dad, who in all other areas is the very opposite of supportive, can and does support my sexual (or not!) orientation and lifestyle, and that his doing so means so much to me--both makes me so very grateful, and makes me better understand and hurt for those (like you) who don't have that kind of support. Because, yeah: I can and do accept my sexuality, with or without anyone's approval or support (though I do want to say that the support of my friends--from the ones who were completely unsurprised when I came out, to my also-ace best friend *waves*--helped a lot, too), but it is so much easier with it. So while I know that I can't truly imagine what it is to have the support of neither parent in your personal life, I can understand that it must truly, epically suck. Though, if it helps, do remember that you have many, many friends who just don't care...and I really do mean that in the very best of ways! *more hugs*